Arctic Monkeys and the Art of Asking Inconvenient Questions – Part 1

“Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High?”

Never date an artist if you dread being confronted with questions that have been swirling in your head for a while and have begun to fester in your mind. May “Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High?” NOT be one of them.

Artist – ARCTIC MONKEYS

Songs – “Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High?”; “R U Mine?”; “Do I Wanna Know?”

Album – AM (2013)

If you’re a regular reader, you already know I sometimes throw in a confession at the onset of my expositions. If you’re new here, welcome and enjoy a very candid observation of the work of your favourite artists. My mission couldn’t be more altruistic: I’m here to alert you, the world, and the generations to come, AI included, to Never Date an Artist. Simple advice, apparently, but highly complex in its nature.

Each article usually focuses on a specific song, and this one is no exception, except that it’s the first part of a trilogy of blog posts that I satisfyingly titled Arctic Monkeys and the Art of Asking Inconvenient Questions. I normally don’t do this, but this time I picked three tracks from the same album, Arctic Monkeys’ AM (2013), and dissected them in three different articles. Why? Because all of them pose questions that we tend to avoid at any stage of a relationship. Actually, if you feel impelled to ask them, that’ll mean one thing, and one thing only: you’re already in trouble. And the questions are… “Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High?”, “R U Mine?”, and “Do I Wanna Know?”.

Now, confession time. Unfortunately, I can’t profess to be an Arctic Monkeys’ fan. I know this will sound blasphemous to a long-time follower of the Sheffield band, but I’m actually saying this out of respect. Before these articles, I didn’t know much about them, except for a few singles, especially one detailed further in this trilogy. You’ll recognise it when you get there. However, I am proud to say I’m now well-versed in everything AM related.

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AM

Firstly, I’m staying one jump ahead of everyone and already celebrating Arctic Monkeys’ AM tenth anniversary. The band, led by Alex Turner’s riveting vocals, released their fifth album on 9 September 2013. I checked the reviews published then, and the verdict was virtually unanimous: AM was the best Arctic Monkeys’ album so far (many would say that hasn’t changed), a defining record in the band’s already promising career.

Once AM was out, the group from Sheffield was no longer ‘just’ another indie band; they were the Arctic Monkeys. NME, for example, went as far as saying that AM “might also be the greatest record of the last decade” and that “we should celebrate this record for what it is – 41 minutes and 57 seconds of near perfection”. And that’s precisely what I did the past few days… with a 10-year delay. Luckily, like all memorable albums, AM is evergreen. The creativity, passion, and commitment to produce a new sound for the band with intricately seducing lyrics is still pretty much fresh and transpires in every track.

I might not have known much about the Arctic Monkeys before listening to AM, but I confidently love this album — all of it, not just a few tracks. However, the three I picked immediately caught my attention. Have I mentioned the uncomfortable questions they bring up? Never date an artist if you dread being confronted with questions that have been swirling in your head for a while and have begun to fester in your mind. The answer might take you out of your misery, ignite a new personal drama, or both. So, are you ready?

“Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High?”

Before addressing the first inconvenient question, another detail about AM. Do you know what it means? Officially, Alex Turner revealed it to be short for Arctic Monkeys. In other words, the intention was to have a self-titled album. That didn’t happen, however, because the band has such a “ridiculous name” — Alex Turner’s words, not mine.

Yet, because the Internet is relentless, people came up with alternative explanations that sound entirely plausible. Therefore, AM could also stand for “after midnight”, ante meridiem (the Latin expression that translates to ‘before midday’), or even amplitude modulation. The last one makes perfect sense once you look at the album cover. And to add a cheekier hue to the double entendre, the shape of the waves resembles a pair of sunglasses or a bra. Maybe it’s meant to be both, in this case.

Interestingly, once you listen to the album, you realise that all those elements align with the main topic: early-morning thoughts of a restless mind who is terribly in love or obsessed with someone who might not feel the same or simply doesn’t match the intensity of their feelings.

As such, the main character often comes across as intense (which I feel is never really a compliment), impatient, insecure, vulnerable, passionate, lustful, troubled, confused, conflicted, suspicious, desperate, and a mess altogether. However, Alex Turner’s decadent, nonchalantly vocal coolness superimposes itself on those traits, creating a weird, sensual combination. In the end, AM seems to be an album from a poet with an incredibly sexy voice who gets a thrill out of chaos. All of them do, actually: it’s in their artistic DNA.

“Nothing Good Happens After 2 a.m.”

Do you remember that episode from How I Met Your Mother when Ted reveals that his mother always told him, “Nothing good happens after 2 a.m.”? “When 2 a.m. rolls around, just go home and go to sleep”. And she was right, as he promptly acknowledges after describing the chain of events that led to an unwise decision late at night. How foolish it was is somewhat debatable, considering he loved Robin. Just my opinion!

Nevertheless, Ted’s mum’s rule is sensible advice, and if you didn’t watch the series, the song “Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High?” shows you why:

Now it’s three in the mornin’ and I’m tryin’ to change your mind

Left you multiple missed calls and to my message, you reply

“Why’d you only call me when you’re high?”

“Hi, why’d you only call me when you’re high?”

Now, if someone asks you Why’d you only call me when you’re high?, the question alone signals your behaviour. What have you done? In this case, the lyrics show a series of misdeeds, including calling multiple times in the early morning to change someone’s mind. Was he out of his mind? Apparently so. Given the circumstances, getting the question above as a reply was the best outcome he could get. Yes, because let’s not forget he’s a habitual offender. Therefore, Why’d you only call me when you’re high?

A love emergency doesn’t count!

Why would you leave someone multiple missed calls if it’s not an emergency? A love emergency doesn’t count! Tell me how this album is from 2013 without telling me this album is from 2013: there’s no evidence in the song that the receiver blocked the caller’s number. In 2023, that’s what would have probably happened after the third missed call. And his social media handle wouldn’t be safe either!

In “Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High?”, Alex Turner comes across as needy, insecure, intoxicated, and paranoid. And the music video only heightens this notion.

The lyrics are also very clear about his state of mind: “Incapable of makin’ alright decisions/And having bad ideas”. That’s when the paranoia kicks in, and he allows his imagination to run riot. Again, I refer you to the video so you can have a visual idea. As to the other person’s reaction? Obvious annoyance, exasperation, frustration, and a certain degree of resignation in a ‘here he goes again’ kind of attitude. I can feel the distinct eye-rolling.

Despite the verb ‘call’, the lesson we get from this song is valid for all forms of communication, written and voice messages, emails, zoom meetings, and Morse code included: please, do not contact people at an ungodly hour, especially when you’re not exercising good judgement. Be even more disciplined, if you will, in matters of the heart: never message or call a crush in the middle of the night. Paranoid booty calls are not cute and have a limited expiration date.

By the way, are ’booty calls’ still a thing in 2023, or is there a new term or expression for it? Well, all I know is that, today, I’m not leaving the house or opening the door after 10 p.m.!, your being Alex Turner or not. I might phone you in the morning if you’re him, though.

And what about you? Have you ever been asked Why’d you only call/message/DM me when_________? Complete the sentence in the comments, and don’t forget to share ‘why’. No worries, this is a safe space. Safer than dating an artist!